Top 5 Discovery Gold Rush Moments

Well folks, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve cringed!  Tis the price one pays to be a true Gold Rush fan.

But what moments really stick out from the rest? Is it the time Parker Schnabel made-out with his excavator’s bucket after nailing a glorious glory hole? Or perhaps it was the time Todd got stuck in the driver’s seat of his Mazda Miata?

Whatever it was you chose, you’re wrong!

Lucky enough for you though, we’ve compiled the top-5 Discovery Gold Rush moments you didn’t see on TV because they simply weren’t aired; therefore, they weren’t eligible for your top-5.

So please, lock in, strap up, and be amazed at what some of your favorite Gold Rush cast members did to defy the impossible yet again!

5.  Parker Schabel Legalizes Marijuana

In case you missed our 800 other blog posts lamenting the fact that Parker Schnabel legalized marijuana on camp grounds, here it is again.  Before we dive in though, there’s something you, our esteemed readers, need to know: MattyTV’s pro-legalization!  That’s right, we’re all for toking up…..we just don’t do it ourselves.

Anyways, moving on.

So Parker Schnabel smokes weed…. but what’s his favorite device to smoke out of?

Good question with an even better answer!

Some time back on September 11th, 2009, as young Parker went to light up a bowl filled of his favorite strand of  Afghan Kush, Afghan Kush, something funny happened…he broke his bowl!

Admittedly, that last part wasn’t funny.  What is though is that because he was out in the Alaskan wilderness doing a lonely stoner hike that more than enough of us do but don’t like to admit, Parker came across a stray cat….and the rest is history.  Now every time Parker goes to smoke a bowl of Afghan Kush, he brings a stray cat.

4. Grandpa Schnabel Smokes Weed

While that above top-5 moment completely sucked, this one you’ll like better: John Schnabel smokes weed.  But then again, so does every other legalized Alaskan.

Yet, there’s just something about John’s weed smoking that’s too interesting to let go?

Luckily again for you, we’ve got an answer: John’s old.  Like mad old.  And someday all of ‘us’ (we’re all about participatory pronouns at MattyTV) will go from wondering what it’s like to smoke weed at that age, to smoking weed at that age.

So why John Schnabel at #4?

Easy.  Because on one episode of Alaska Gold Rush titled “John vs Food,” John Schnabel eats an entire 800,000 calorie burrito in one sitting (fyi, this episode never aired).

The man’s one beast of a stoner, which brings us into moment-you-missed #3.

3.  John and Parker Schnabel Smoke Weed Then Plow Lindsay Lohan

We know, we know.  You clearly get that Parker smokes weed….and John too.

But what you didn’t know is that both men also have the same interest in women; emotionally wrecked and in a state of haze. (‘haze’ is a weed pun we’re told).

The story, according to producers, goes a little like the one outlined below.

John, on a road trip across the great Haines, Alaska wilderness, had just taken 3 blunts to the face in the back of a 76 rest stop.  Realizing he was out of weed, John walked to the front of the rest-stop where Parker and his then girlfriend, Lindsay, we’re curled up in the front of Big Red puffing a Small J.

Somewhat inebriated, John then proceeded to punch a somewhat stoned Lindsay in the face while simultaneously wrestling the half-canoed joint from Parker’s hand.   What happened from there is somewhat fuzzy as Lindsay’s publicists will have you believe one thing, while John’s will have you believe another.

Anyways, what all sources can agree on is what happened next: John and Parker used a snowplow to plow an unconcious Lindsay to the side of the road, leaving her behind in the middle of the frozen Alaskan tundra.

Truly terrible stuff if you ask us.

2. Lindsay Lohan Gets Revenge

Didn’t know Lindsay Lohan was such an integral part of the show?  Well then you’re clearly not a true Gold Rush fan!

Did you honestly think Lindsay Lohan would slowly wither to her death on the side of an Alaskan road?  Of course you did…..but you shouldn’t have.

You see, what we’ve learned over the years as the official, unofficial documentarians of the Gold Rush show (come on, admit it, you’ve seen us before when viewing your Google search results for ‘Gold Rush’), is that if there’s anyone more resilient in this World than Parker Schnabel, it’s Lindsay Lohan.

So how exactly did Lindsay get revenge?  The only way she knows, by suing the shit out of Discovery Channel!

That’s right, why milk the young calf when you can have the cash cow instead?

TMZ even goes so far as to report that Discovery is so bogged down in litigation that the airing of Season 5 is currently in jeopardy.  We repeat, the future airing of Discovery Gold Rush Season 5 is in serious jeopardy!!!

While we can only hope that both parties reach an amicable agreement, it’s probably safe to say that Lindsay Lohan once again somehow managed to come out on top!!

So if Lindsay Lohan isn’t even #1 on our top-5 list, who/what is?

1. Dick Cheney Accidentally Shoots Sarah Palin

Nevermind.  Wrong list!

1.  Todd Hoffman’s Secret Affair

“What?” you’re probably asking yourself.  ”Isn’t he divorced and destined for a single life of loneliness?”

Well, yes, obviously.  But what we’re talking about his secret side affair that NONE of you even know about.

Todd Hoffman, according to The Daily Fisherman, is in love with Mary Jane!!!

That’s right, Todd curls up in bed with Mary on a nightly basis.  We even see a glimpse of this during episode 2 of season 3 under a half-lit, waxing-crescent moon, as a strong north-by-northwest wind rips through the Hoffman campsite pealing open Todd’s cabin door, only to expose him in a state of nakedness as he lights the wrong end of a marijuana joint in his bed.

Very, very disturbing imagery if you ask us!

So there you have it ladies and gentlemen, the top-5 unaired-Gold-Rush moments you didn’t see to date!

Season 5 Gold Rush Alaska

Now that we’ve rattled off our top-5 unaired Gold Rush moments, some of which admittedly weren’t really moments, all of us are excited to see what shenanigans take place next season.

While we can neither confirm nor deny whether Season 5 of the show will air, what we do know is this: we’ll still be there in your search results.

Yep, that’s right, no matter what you do we’ll still be there, so tune back in soon for more riveting journalism!

 

 Top 5 Discovery Gold Rush Moments

About Matt H.

Dedicated writer. Tech (in)'trested. Oh, and CEO/creator/chairman of MattyTV.com. Connect with Matt on Google+

Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Author’s note: this writer totally sold his soul for an affiliate marketing gig in support of Squatty Potty. In no way does Parker Schnabel actually endorse the Squatty Potty!  We, on the other hand, do.

squatty potty banner1 Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Squatty Potty Time Bitches!

Golden showers, crack cocaine, and jungle swamp ass.

And this was just the first episode of Season 5!

 Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Gold Rush Season 5 started off with a bang!

Unfortunately, like all good things Canadian, Season 5 came and went.  While many of us will miss an oblivious, bald-headed man navigate the jungles of Narnia like a blind Jew navigating Palestine, a little part of us is curious as to ‘what’s next’ for these fabled stars.

blind jew in palestine Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Todd Hoffman was just as blind as this Jew in Palestine navigating the jungles!

Will Parker get back with Lindsay? Is Todd too fat to fly? Who the fuck’s Payson?

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“Hi, i’m Payson!”

That’s three questions right there!

Three more questions for you to ponder:

Is Todd Gay? Does Parker’s girlfriend exist? Dakota Fred’s son sure is dumb! Wait…..not a question (btw, glad you asked about Parker’s girlfriend).

Yes! that’s correct. We just btw’d the fuck out of that last sentence.

Anyways, while none of these characters will lay eyes upon this author’s scornful lament, the joke really is on all of us. Each of our protagonists got paid! Dumb, stupid pay we might add. And wait until you hear what each of our heroins has in store for us this summer!!!

Parker Schnabel Looks To The Future

Recently MattyTV caught up with the Hollywood Heartthrob outside a Haines, Alaska Discovery Zone where our modern day Botticelli espoused all over our questions.

No leaf was left unturned as we explored everything from Parker’s Ugly Kid Clothing Line to his new celebrity product endorsement, The Squatty Potty. Below are some of the juicier tidbits from our late night one-on-one with the legend himself.

Ugly Kid Clothing Company

For those of you living under a rock, or “The Rock” for that matter, Parker has been sporting his own line of crap clothing for the better part of the past two seasons.

Parker Schnabel Ugly Kid Clothing Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Hi, I’m ugly….so fuck off and die!

From male thongs (extremely popular in the Alaskan summertime as denizens ditch their winter long-johns for something a bit more comfortable) to provocative sweatshirts idolizing the extreme isolation of modern day outcasts in today’s society, Ugly Kid Clothing has won its way into the hearts of mining enthusiasts everywhere.

The Male Thong – a summertime novelty in the great Alaskan outdoors

While times have been good at the Dumb Kid Clothing Company,  Parker still sees room for the brand to grow.

“Ugly Kid Clothing is more than a brand. It’s a lifestyle. A lifestyle of never unwavering, I hate your stupid face, fuck the continental United States, living. Think of it more as a fountain of shit that you drink from everyday.  Each passing sip of shit passes through your body, winding it’s way down a labyrinth of hate and self-loathing, eventually finishing inside a clogged urinal of taco meat and feces. THAT, in a nutshell, is Ugly Kid Clothing.”

 Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

When you think Ugly Kid Clothing this is what Parker want’s you to think!

Parker Schnabel’s Girlfriend

When broached about the subject of his sex life, Parker The Beautiful (as no one calls him) was far from bashful.

Parkers girlfriend Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Parker’s first true love…his excavator!

Parker and his girl, Lawrence of My Labia, according to sources, have been going strong for 12 days and counting.  Regarded as an eternity by Alaskan standards, some close to Parker speculate a marriage proposal’s around the corner, something he refutes with great reprocity.  That said, local sources recently learned of a $2 Million deposit being thrown down at a local Bed, Bath, and Beyond – Parker’s favorite retail store outside his local head shop, Weed Head (sorry Leafly, Weed Head hasn’t quite made it’s way onto your site quite yet).

Should we read much further into his recent purchase of throw pillows? Probably not! Will we? Yes!

So what would Parker tell us about his new found sex life now that he’s no longer dating Lindsay Lohan.

“Well, we have sex.”

parker schnabel and girlfriend Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Parker Schnabel and his girl apparently have sex. Now if it’s with their clothes on or off might be a question for another day.

Truly riveting journalism if you ask us.

So just what is Parker Schnabel’s celebrity net worth?

This question even we were interested in. Once listed as the richest man in all of Haines, Alaska, fame and fortune nearly lead to Parker’s demise.

Parker Schnabel dipstick explodes all over tranny Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

The man, err woman, who almost ruined young Parker’s life as fortune got to his head

Currently valued at $21, Parker’s unprecedented net worth has seen it’s fair share of ups and downs. However, all that changed when Squatty Potty came knocking.

Signed to a lucrative contract of $12 to be paid out over the duration of 12 years, Parker’s alliance with Squatty Potty services many fronts, most important of which is the Squatty Potty’s ability to ease the tension of shitting while high as more and more states legalize marijuana.

 Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Potheads afflicted by the severe diarrhea crisis sweeping the nation!

“I really see this as a golden opportunity for me to spread the word… the good word of the lord.”

It’s still very evident that Parker’s severe addiction to sex is clouting his reality.

“What we have here will change the way we interact with our toilets.  Given the alarming rate of state-to-state weed legalization, onsets of diarrhea have become more and more commonplace as citizens experience firsthand munchie onslaughts.  The nation is in a severe diarrhea crisis, and only I can change the fate of the nation by espousing the benefits of the Squatty Potty on the rectal region.”

squatty potty banner3 Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Squatty Potty: control the American Diarrhea crisis NOW! Get your Squatty Potty TODAY!

Interesting.  We had no idea our nation was in such a state of crisis. But still, why the Squatty Potty Parker?

Parker Espouses the Benefits of the Squatty Potty

“My asshole has never felt healthier,” was Parker’s response when we inquired further into his reason for jumping on the Squatty Potty shitwagon.

It’s clearly a subject matter Parker feels passionate about as he delved further and further into the topic with us.

“For too long the issue of ‘shitting’ has been avoided, yet our nation is afflicted by this all too common illness.  We need to take every precaution we can to right this affliction, and my belief is the Squatty Potty is a good place to start”

 Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

“I’m sick of this shit!” -Parker S.

A very principled man himself, Parker then proceeded into a rather lengthy soliloquy of which we simply sat back and soaked it all in.

“It’s like…it’s like for the first time in my life I feel right.  Having shat wrong all my years, the Squatty Potty’s finally the one stabilizing force in my life. It has a good base, with a comfortable more-than-shoulders-width apart stance, and a solid frame.  I almost feel guilty for shaming my body all these years, doing it a great injustice by not implementing the 35° degree ‘squat’ instead of the 90° degree ‘sit’ i’ve used.  It truly has been a blessing.”

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90° Degree Sit vs 35° Degree Squat

Future Celebrity Product Endorsements for Parker

While Squatty Potty is a remarkable coup in the name of brand product endorsements for Parker, numerous other product endorsements loom on the horizon as well.

Said to be in the running for Parker’s services are Hershey’s chocolate milk, Ace Hardware’s own wall socket line, and .NET web development services.

parker schnabel hershey chocolate milk Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Now every time this chocolate passes through your mouth images of Parker will conjure in your head!

But we didn’t want to take uncredited sources for their word, so we stared the hollywood legend point black in the face and asked him ourselves.

Us: “So Parker, are there any other products you have your eye on?”

Parker: “That’s a hard question because it’s hard to not look only at you in the middle of an interview.”

Us: “No, we meant ‘are there any other products you’re looking to for future endorsements?’”

Parker: “Yes.”

A man of few words.  Isn’t that why he’s made it into the hearts, and now the pants, of so many Americans alike?

Future Celebrity Gold Rush Star Product Endorsements

Think Parker’s the only one capitalizing on the new found popularity of Discovery’s Gold Rush Alaska? Think again.

Todd Hoffman Snuggles Himself into Bed

It’d be remisce of us not to mention Todd Hoffman’s startling, yet lucrative, product endorsement this summer: The Snuggie.

fat guy in snuggie Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

The imagery of Todd Hoffman in a snuggie will already live on in our heads for the rest of our lives

Soon to hit all corner’s of the surface web, Snuggie’s marketing campaign featuring Todd Hoffman is said to have the potential to change the face of advertising forever!

“We at Snuggie truly believe Todd embodies the essence of our not-so-popular product, The Snuggie,” claims Snuggie’s VP of Marketing, Henry Kissinger.  ”No one cares about the Snuggie, nobody wants one, and not a single soul remembers what they look like when wearing one, which is why Todd is the perfect face for our product.  Total oblivion”

Like any good gold miner acting on a hope and a prayer, Todd’s woeful financial cry for help has temporarily been answered. But, as we all know, like any good glory hole, eventually the cash benefits run out, leading our fabled miners to look for virgin territory elsewhere.

Dakota Fred courts Rosseta

Often criticized for his inability to articulate the English language even though he’s white, American, and a successful businessman (outside the gold mining profession obviously), the constantly sub-titled Dakota Fred recently got in bed with Rosetta Stone, all of which we get to see on tape.

Dakota Fred Learning Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

This man will master learning Canadian even if it costs him his sanity

Rosetta Stone’s in da house!!!

Known for their ability to trick older professional people into thinking they have enough time in their busy lives to learn another language while raising 3 kids and working an always-on-the-clock corporate gig, Rosetta Stone’s marketing department absolutely marveled at the idea of documenting Dakota Fred’s learning of the Canadian language on camera!

busy dad with kids Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

“Yeah I’ve got time to learn another language!”

Shelling out a whopping $115 American dollars, Rosetta Stone chronicled every waking hour of Dakota Friend’s life as he sat down in front of a computer screen and struggled with each syllable of an identical dialect of the English language.

Not only does this harrowing film explore one old guy’s attempt to master a foreign substance outside his comfort zone, but it also explores the American state of Education in Alaska as a whole……what???

Hoping he could espouse a little more to us on his arrangement with Rosetta Stone, Dakota abruptly pulled down his pants.

When told what the word “espouse” meant, Dakota pulled up his pants and told us this little gem of a nugget:

“They tell me they think we might be going to Cannes! I sure ain’t heard of any place quite like that before.  Sounds like a land full of ferries bouncing around if you ask me.”

Hmm, interesting.  We can only wish the fine people at Rosetta Stone “good luck” with the upcoming marketing campaign. They’re definitely going to need it.

Rosetta Stone Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Rosetta Stone update version 7.0 includes new additions like Canadian, American Ghetto, and Macedonian

The Proverbial What’s Next

So what’s next for our pathetic peripatetic stars? What can we expect in Season 6 of Discovery Gold Rush Alaska and beyond? Well, whatever it is, you know you know where to turn for that kind of information…here!

^By “here” in that last sentence we mean “here at MattyTV.”  Just thought we’d clarify!

Oh, and get a Squatty Potty you morons before it’s too late!

squatty potty banner1 Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Squatty Potty Time Bitches!

 Gold Rush Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

About Matt H.

Dedicated writer. Tech (in)'trested. Oh, and CEO/creator/chairman of MattyTV.com. Connect with Matt on Google+

Squatty Potty User Reviews

Given MattyTV’s current high school crush with the infamous Squatty Potty, we took to the inter-workings of the web to find out if this fascination was clearly a case of punch drunk love madness on our part, or if in fact the Squatty Potty had been dropping panties all across the globe. What we found was both surprising and sexually arousing all at once!

squatty potty banner1 Squatty Potty User Reviews

Squatty Potty Time Bitches!

Success Stories From Squatty Potty Users

Below we found some sultry results espousing the pre-conceptions and transformations of those pre-conceptions from beautiful Americans abroad. While many users went into the restrooms not expecting much, said people left said restrooms changed souls.

Why? you ask.  Well, here’s why!

Anonymous Squatty Potty User Review #1

“The darn thing works instantly!

Folks, my son, Todd, sent me a squatty potty for my 66th birthday. I thought to myself, what kind of a birthday gift is this contraption? Living 65 years “on my own”, I thought I was “going” just fine. How mistaken I was! I don’t think I can live another day WITHOUT it.

It’s absolutely amazing – the darn thing works instantly. Thank you for making my life SO much more pleasant! Three cheers for the Squatty Potty!”

-Susan F.

Thanks Susan! And just so you know Sussie, we’re single!

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Squatty Potty: good for colon health. Good for pooping. Good all around!

Anonymous Squatty Potty User Review #2

“The joke was on us!

I just wanted to write and let you know how much we love your product! My husband is a gastroenterologist and I bought him a Squatty Potty as a gift, but mostly just for the humour.

Given his career, we often give him “poop” related gifts and gags. The joke was on us! We are both so impressed with the squatty potty. It has made a big difference for both of us and we are still in awe of the simplicity of correcting our body alignment during defecation.

He said he will now recommend it to his patients! Thanks!”

-J.R.

J.R., your candidness about you and your husbands chronic defecation problems is what we admire about you the most! It takes a real woman to admit she poops.  And for that J.R., we are thankful!

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Would you believe the squatty potty could improve your health by shitting?

Anonymous Squatty Potty User Review #3

“Squatty Potty For World Peace!

I recently received my Squatty Potty. I’m so happy with this thing. Seriously, it could create world peace, or, at least, settle the Western world down. You should do more radical marketing. It should be featured on Oprah’s show. I’m not kidding.”

-Metta World Peace

metta world peace endorsing squatty potty Squatty Potty User Reviews

Even Metta World Peace endorses the Squatty Potty

Thanks metta! Good to know when you aren’t shooting hoops you’re squirting poops! We’re sure there’s a product endorsement deal for you here somewhere down the line!

Anonymous Squatty Potty Review #4

“I shitted everywhere. It was pleasant!”

 Squatty Potty User Reviews

Dick Cheney would even agree the squatty potty goes a longer way than George Bush’s policy of “no child left behind”

-Dick Cheney

Hey former Vice President Dick Cheney! Didn’t think we’d see your name on the boards. Happy to hear all is well with the colon, but how’s the heart?

Non-Success Stories From Squatty Potty Users

What’s the saying in Eastern Morocco? “Cleveland Rocks!” No, wait, that’s the Drew Carey Show.

Anyways, we know you get the point. For every good review online there’s one-hundred bad reviews! These are some of those bad ones.

Follow MattyTV’s board Squatty Potty Endorsed by MattyTV on Pinterest.


Anonymous Squatty Potty Review #5

“First off, I’d like to say i’m PISSED! Literally drunk as a skunk. There’s no sugar coating here, so listen up pansies, because what i’m about to tell you WON’T change your life.

  • Pants can get in the way! Not sure if this is a learning curve for me, but I haven’t figured out a graceful way to sit that doesn’t involve completely removing my trousers.
  • Even when it’s tucked under the bowl, it’s still in the way when standing to use the toilet (I have to “widen my stance”).
  • Not sure about the health claims, but I don’t suffer any maladies. So I would still recommend to “healthy” people. Prevention is the best medicine!”

-Bob

Kids and adults will change their peeing stance after using squatty potty Squatty Potty User Reviews

Kids and Adults alike will need to learn the new “wider-than-normal-stance” split when in possession of a Squatty Potty

Bob, all great points. What normally serves as a shoulder-width apart stance while standing over the toilet bowl to go pee, has now become an acrobat feat that not even some gymnasts can incorporate into their olympic splitting routine!

Anonymous Squatty Potty User Review #6

“My banana hammock is now a banana split!”
-Pam Pammington

 

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This banana happened to split its hammock and the boys

 

Still harping on the whole “I stand up when I pee and the Squatty Potty still gets in my way” theme! In fairness, it does sound like this is a bigger issue than the Squatty Potty people would have you believe!

By the way Pam, you stand when you pee?

Anonymous Squatty Potty User Review #7

And now for this rather candid comment!

“I tried this contraption a few weeks ago. The package arrived from the UPS man just in time for my late morning bowel movement. I could hardly wait to open the box and place this glorious invention at the base of my commode. I put on some Phil Collins (as this helps my movement)…As I approached my throne and planted my tush to drop the kids off at the pool…I noticed I could no longer move…I WAS STUCK!!!! I tried for hours and hours to roll off the toilet, but the squatty potty contraption kept my legs locked into place…and to top it all of the compact disc I was listening to was stuck in a loop and I was forced to listen to “Another Day in Paradise” for 6 straight hours…The neighbors finally came to the rescue when they heard me screaming…I’m now dealing with PTSD and an extreme case of constipation. Thank goodness this is covered in my Obamacare premium….First thing in the morning, this is going straight back to the UPS facility (just as soon as I can find my pants).”

-President Barack Obama

cowboy Squatty Potty User Reviews

President Obama even drops bombs and foot-longs in the privacy of the west wing using the newest in technological innovation: The Squatty Potty

Wow! A president AND a vice president all in the same post. We must have died and gone to heaven.

Anonymous Squatty Potty User Review #8

“I shitted everywhere. It WASN’T pleasant!”
-George W. Bush

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George W. Bush not exactly the greatest endorser of the Squatty Potty

This can’t be real! This simply cannot be real! One president, one vice president, and one complete meat puppet all in this same, stupid post, and ALL using the Squatty Potty.

Closing Thoughts on the Squatty Potty

It’s official hombres: if you don’t squat while you take a shot into the pot, than you’re just plain un-American!

That is all. Happy 4th America. And don’t forget to buy your loved one a squatty potty using the link below!

Hi, I’m the link below!

 Squatty Potty User Reviews

About Matt H.

Dedicated writer. Tech (in)'trested. Oh, and CEO/creator/chairman of MattyTV.com. Connect with Matt on Google+

MattyTV StumblesUpon Pinterest!

First and foremost, before we even utter a single word more, the good people of MattyTV would like to thank the big man above who watches over our every move: Dick Cheney! Without him, none of what we’ve accomplished at MattyTV would have ever been possible.

Now that we’ve finally got that out of the way, without any further adieu, MattyTV would like to announce to the world that alas, we’ve made it, to a place where they say only stay-at-home moms go. That’s right, MattyTV is now on Pinterest!

What’s in store?

What a good looking question!

Scrolling through the MattyTV boards will be like a trip down memory lane for ALL of our loyal followers! Nonetheless, even for you fair-weather followers there’s a lot to be reminded of. While we can’t go through all of it, below we’ve highlighted some of the more memorable experiences we’ve had over the years that you can expect to find on Pinterest.

MattyTV Explores Macedonia’s Culture, Politics, and Tourist Attractions

When we first initially set out here at MattyTV, our hope was to bring the rags and riches stories of everyday Macedonian life to the people.

Guess what? We did just that!

Remember how Charlie Sheen once flew over Macedonia in his airplane? Of course you do! And so do the people of Macedonia who erected a Sheen shrine made entirely out of Jnco jeans in honor of that very occasion.

Follow MattyTV’s board Charlie Sheen in Macedonia on Pinterest.


Or, how about the time that Dick Cheney finally brought democracy to the Macedonian people? Some may say Dick Cheney is 0-3 in his attempts to stretch democratic principles to foreign nations, but we assure you the Macedonian people wouldn’t see it that way!

Follow MattyTV’s board Presidents of Macedonia on Pinterest.

And finally, how about that time we highlighted all the tourist hotspots littered throughout the Macedonian landscape?

So there you have it! Just a slight taste of what we have in store on the MattyTV Pinterest account.

Parker Schnabel Legalizes Marijuana and has his Sex Life Revealed by Rolling Stones

Well its been a long and magical journey for us here at MattyTV when it comes to Parker Schnabel. We’ve watched the Discovery Gold Rush star grow in front of our very own eyes while documenting his every move with utmost impunity.

Though we could go on for hours and hours highlighting young Parker’s many triumphs, we promise not to! Instead we’ll pick some his lower moments to admittedly feel better about ourselves!

We know what your thinking, so don’t think. DON’T. YOU. EVER. THINK! Not even one thought.

Did Parker Schnabel have an illicit affair with Lindsay Lohan? Yes!

Follow MattyTV’s board Parker Schnabel Sex Life Unveiled in Upcoming Rolling Stones Cover on Pinterest.

Did he also legalize marijuana on the big nugget mine? Yes again!

Follow MattyTV’s board Parker Schnabel Legalizes Marijuana on Pinterest.

And did he or did he not make love to Todd Hoffman’s sleuth box after tapping several glory holes filled with golden crusty sediment? Umm, maybe.

Regardless of what your political affiliation is when it comes to the Alaska Gold Rush star, one thing we hope at MattyTV is for certain; that you turned to us as your trusted source for all things Parker Schnabel. So thanks! And for those of you who didn’t turn to us as your #1 trusted source for all things Parker Schnabel, no thanks!

Japanese Upskirt iPhone App hits Macedonia

This one was weird. Real weird!

Apparently about 6 years back when the original iPhone hit the market, some Japanese developers developed an iPhone app that lets you blow-up Japanese schoolgirl’s skirts. It was weird then and it’s weird now. However, that didn’t stop us from writing about it, especially when news leaked that some pervs in Macedonia would be releasing the same thing, but this time with Macedonian models included.

Follow MattyTV’s board Japanese Upskirt iPhone App on Pinterest.

That’s right, we wrote about it. We even had one member of the MattyTV team test it out himself. Too bad said employee had weak lung capacity given he’d just finished 3 J’s and written about them on Leafly beforehand.

Anyways, the response to our original post was so overwhelming that we had to make a board for it. So we did. And you can thank us for it. Just no more creepy comments. Apparently the phrase Japanese Upskirt attracts some REAL weirdos. So weirdos, if you’re out there, please stay the f**k away!

Hollywood Celebrity Endorses Squatty Potty

Whoops! Cats out of the bag. We’ve said too much……yet at the same time said so little.

Stay tuned for more. Meanwhile check out the squatty potty below!

squatty potty banner3 MattyTV StumblesUpon Pinterest!

Squatty Potty: good for colon health. Good for pooping. Good all around!

Autor’s note: MattyTV is a certified Squatty Potty affiliate. Yes, we’re absolute, money grubbing whores! But that shouldn’t stop you from checking out our awesome Pinterest Squatty Potty board!

Follow MattyTV’s board Squatty Potty Endorsed by MattyTV on Pinterest.

What’s Next For MattyTV?

We hate this question! Our advice would be to check us out at MattyTV.com and give us a heads up as to what you’d like to see in the future. It’s been a long, illustrious run with YOU, our fans, and we’d like to open it up and hear what you have to say….maybe.

Until then, remember to check us out on Pinterest, and…..we feel like we forgot to mention something.

Oh yea, Squatty Potty!

squatty potty banner1 MattyTV StumblesUpon Pinterest!

Squatty Potty: Poop better, smarter, healthier

 MattyTV StumblesUpon Pinterest!

About Matt H.

Dedicated writer. Tech (in)'trested. Oh, and CEO/creator/chairman of MattyTV.com. Connect with Matt on Google+